Before I start this week’s post, I’d like to let you all know that I’m working on making the archives friendlier to browse – mostly putting things in categories (which I probably should have done when I started this 2 years ago…oh well). Now returning you to your regularly scheduled blog post…..
The question ‘Who Am I?’ is one that I think everyone has to struggle with at some point (more likely than not fairly young). I know when I was struggling with this question – which I have done several times for the past 5 years or so – it didn’t cut it to simply say that I am Benjamin Larkin – I needed to (re)discover something deeper about myself, whether I liked what I found or not. A lot of what I consider to be who I am is bound up in my personal history – which I’m going to talk about a bit more in this post* – and in my interests and personality, as well as the people who are a part of my life. So Who am I? Well, keep reading, and you may find some answers to your question.
Starting simply, I am Ben Larkin – a 20 year old Bible College Graduate. I play Video Games, read Science Fiction and Fantasy Novels, watch Sketch Comedy on the Internet, and write a Blog – to put it otherwise I am a nerd/geek. Not the arch-typical picture of nerds/geeks though – there are entire volumes written about what needs to be done to maintain nerd credibility^ that I haven’t followed or achieved everything on – nor the ‘romanticised’ version of them that seems to exist in popular culture at the moment. In saying that I play video games, I also imply that I carry a number of different character names and screen names with me as part of my life experiences. Over the years that I have played games, I’ve gone by several different pseudonyms – many of which describe my personality and traits – including no-all (my original screen name – it was spoken to me by a friend as a reflection of my incredibly large amount of random knowledge), and Fr33Lanc3r (my chosen screen name, which I have been using for nearly 10 years now, and has had several variants over those years – currently it’s Fr33Lanc3r.007).
Personality wise, I’m an intelligent,
slightly cynical, slightly hard to get along with – although I can be friendly when I have a mind to – have a warped sense of humor – no-one else seems to find what I find funny amusing (it’s mostly puns and personal in-jokes) – and am not generally good at organization or working out how to move from the problem to the solution. I have issues with setting my own life direction and goals – I can be too ambitious at times, and I have trouble coping when I fail to meet those ambitions – and I often want every step to be assured before I begin any sort of change in direction (which meant I was completely terrified both times when I absolutely knew I had to do something big – apply for College and register for an Electrical Apprenticeship – but had no idea how to go about either of them – where to apply, what course to undertake, etc. God can be funny like that.) Yet I have no issues being impulsive with smaller things – starting this blog was a spur of the moment decision; I have a tendency to buy first, ask questions later when looking at games or DVDs at the shops – often to my own detriment. I often speak before I think – an artifact of the group of friends that I had in High School – yet when I’m explaining something I have been (or am at that moment) seriously thinking about, I tend to stumble over my words as new ideas and concepts come to mind faster than I can say them.
So I’m now looking at the wordcount on this post, and I’m figuring that you don’t want to read more than 800 words on a blog post (even 800 might be too much)……I think I’ll write the rest up in next weeks post……that way I don’t need to cut a lot of what I want to say….see you next week.
*I may tell my story in more detail at some point in the future, I figure I’m turning 21 this May, and that’s a milestone that could launch into an Autoblography (to steal a term from someone else who wrote out part of his life story on his blog), so stay tuned…
^I know Wikihow articles of this nature are often written for humor (and as a reflection on the popular culture views a particular subculture or group of people) rather than as an attempt to actually explain the ins and outs of the topic at hand, but you get my drift.